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May 01, 2008
Love Is a Bloody, Bloody Battlefield, My Friends
Oh, imagine.
Imagine that you are me. You are heading out on your date with the 25-year-old. You have called Neeta, who has told you NO, you cannot wear your free-flowing top with your wide-legged trousers because, damn, Jen, boys have imagination but not x-ray vision and you are always trying to wear something ridiculously modest but an ankle isn't enough to get the curiosity sparked these days, so here you are in a vaguely slinky top and the wide-legged trousers and new shoes.
And you have given said young 'un directions to pick you up, but either he has not listened (typical. ugh, boys), or you have given horrible directions (typical. ugh, girls.), so now you are walking down to meet him at the corner to save time.
Only.
Your shoes are new. And the hill is steep. And your feet slip out from under you and you fall.
But! You rally, you get up, quickly, because the dude who had to STOP HIS CAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO AVOID RUNNING OVER YOUR PRONE BODY appears to be stuck in this loop of "areyouokaycanicallsomeone? areyouokaycanicallsomeone? areyouokaycanicallsomeone?" and, well, why not help a brother out.
So you haul yourself up, now you won't be at the corner in time and he'll be halfway to Timbuktu, must hurry, hurry, and...
PHFWOOMP!
Down you go again. This time with your tailbone right on the 90-degree angle of the curb, the AWESOMENESS, I cannot tell thee.
What would you do?
I paused briefly, winded, probably kind of in shock, and told the occupant of the OTHER CAR THAT STOPPED TO MAKE SURE I WAS ALIVE that I was fine and considered throwing in the towel. A quick phone call and I'd be nursing my patootie on ice for the rest of the evening and he never even had to know I had a cold sore (yes, despite all your lovely best wishes, it was still there).
But I didn't. I hobbled down to the corner, bleeding all over my blackberry, which I had to retrieve from down the hill, and there he was.
And he stopped at the pizza place and got me some napkins for the blood, and I had a glass of wine and things were OK.
And when I got home and saw the ginormous dried streak of blood on my blackberry?
Part of me was utterly grossed out, yes, but the other part of me?
Totally proud of my war wounds, dude! Seriously, it's like I have conquered Spain!
Dating's a rough-and-tumble world, my friends. You've got to roll with the punches. And right down the hill. Apparently.
Posted by jen at May 1, 2008 10:53 PM
Comments
Oh hell! Take some advil before you go to bed! When was the last time you fell? I recently took a spill and I was reminded of when I would fall down when I was a kid. It happened often. The thing is, when you're a kid you cry, it hurts and then back up. But when you fall as an adult it hurts so much more the next day.
Right after I fell, I went to Nordstrom Rack and bought two tops - it helped the pain go away.
Posted by: Michelle at May 2, 2008 12:21 AM
Wow. A sight that ended up being so much more gory than I expected.
Posted by: Neeta at May 2, 2008 12:38 AM
Is it wrong that I love your blog posts about the clumsiness so much? Cos it's EXACTLY the kind of thing that happens to me all the time! Hope you had a good date in spite of the blood :O)
Posted by: Claire at May 2, 2008 01:25 AM
OMG I LOVE "COUPLING" (UK version, of course)!!! Jeff. Oh, Jeff. Adore Richard Coyle. Sounds like you were having a Jeff moment with your date—or a Sally moment. Ah, the sacrifices we make for love...
Posted by: Jeanne B. at May 2, 2008 01:14 PM
Dang. That's harsh. At least you didn't make it worse by telling you date that you were "falling for him." Haaaa.
Posted by: Librarian Girl at May 2, 2008 02:52 PM
Yikes! I feel for you in the falling on your tailbone thing! I did that in January on the stairs of my parking garage. Can I just tell you the pain was excruciating - I fell really hard and after four months it's not completely healed? I feel for you totally! Take care of your tailbone. :)
Posted by: Karen at May 3, 2008 09:04 AM
Dude, you're hardcore. I'm impressed!
Posted by: Gwen at May 3, 2008 10:16 AM
For what it's worth, I am proud of your ability to keep on trucking.
Ouch!
Posted by: Christine at May 4, 2008 04:16 PM
Re cold sore - use plain old Neosporin!!! My daughter gets them, we've tried everything but an aunt visiting from Mississippi told me to try that. Swear to Zeus! It's drastically better in 24 hours! Sometimes for her, even gone the next day.
Posted by: samantha_the_wonder_woman at May 5, 2008 12:58 AM
As usual, I'm behind on my blog reading. So sorry that you fell but that is so something that would happen to me too.
A couple of years ago I read this book:
http://www.theyearofyes.com/
and decided to adopt that philosphy. I had many *interesting* dates but I had fun.
Posted by: SusannahS` at May 5, 2008 07:54 AM
holy crap dude. i hope your butt is not too sore!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i broke my tailbone snowboarding once and it made for a very uncomfortable few months! but the bloody blackberry and the war wounds? are totally awesome. you're such a kickass. :)
Posted by: carolyn at May 5, 2008 01:07 PM
aww that sounds aweful. should have got the youngin to come back and put the ice on your wound for you! or just massage your butt.
Dating is a war zone my friend. Put your helmet on and duck and cover!
Posted by: Searching for THE ONE at May 6, 2008 10:01 AM
You're a star, Jen. Thanks for the excellent diversion...
Posted by: Ursula at May 6, 2008 12:25 PM
Oh no! You're a trouper for going through with the date. Hope your tailbone feels better!
Posted by: marty at May 9, 2008 12:49 PM
amazing how a cute boy and a glass of wine can make even the most sore (insert body part) feel better!
Posted by: rg at May 9, 2008 02:59 PM