You've got to refrigerate the onions before peeling. Now if you could figure out a similar thing for boys, you would have a bestseller.

All I can say is that the older one gets, the quicker one gets at recognizing the old. The really bad ones? I can now recognize in a couple of weeks what used to take me months to recognize. Actually I think that in the past I recognized it quickly; I just wrote off that gut feeling. Now with age, I have learned that the gut has never lied to me.

Congrats on getting back out there!

Jen,
I've read your latest post five times now 'cuz there's a lot to absorb here. Obviously, I am a guy, so I'll try and give you my best "guy's" (or Onion's) perspective.

As I've mentioned before, I've only followed your blog since Valentine's Day. At that time, it appeared as if you were single and/or "not yet dating". Perhaps I missed an earlier post that stated you were starting to date this New Onion a while back. If so, and I missed it, my apologies. If not, then from what I am reading in the last couple posts, this Onion is brand-spanking-new. What worries me is that you have written this new post and you are already showing some serious doubts and fears. Look at the questions that you are asking yourself. If you are already wanting this Onion to age/get old, then you should get out...now. If this dating relationship is only a couple of weeks old and the excitement of the New Onion is not giving you a daily flutter of anticipation, desire and interest, then I'm afraid that you are, as you put it, WASTING YOUR TIME. A New Onion has got to give you the flutter - and yes, guys get it, too. We end up doing some pretty crazy things when we feel this way - it usually becomes an 'all-consuming' part of our once seemingly ordinary life. You need to relax and enjoy this part of the relationship!

Sure, it eventually levels off and becomes normal/routine and yes, I'll say it, it 'ages'. However, we're not talking about fine wine or sharp cheese here, and this is where I truly believe good old-school LUCK comes into play. I am serious! Everyone has to go through the motions for some time, just like we see on TV. There is no set time period for this. Some may only need a short preview (check the tone of your post here). Others may take a longer time to settle - this may be good or bad. I'm telling you, though, it comes down to luck. It's all about whether you "get" each other (please refer to my previously-posted comment on that movie "Forget Paris" and take in another viewing for an exact replica of this scenario). Once that darn novelty eventually wears off (and it will, mind you), you will be forced to stop the comparisons to the previous Onions, ignore the way you think it's supposed to be like (due to TV and movies), and just see if you're LUCKY enough to feel these things: "I'm quite comfortable with this person. We've got our differences, yet we really click on most things. I do find this person interesting. I can talk to this person about anything and everything. I really like being around this person. He or she really cares for me, and I can tell. I feel the same. I TRUST this person. Wow, this feels like...(gasp)...LOVE! I think this will work! I just might be one of the lucky ones!"

So, order up that IN-N-OUT burger "animal-style", baby...bring on those grilled onions! And don't be afraid. We're all adverse to change. We've all had our prototypes. We've all experienced the still-grieving heart (I try very hard to keep mine hidden 'up' and not 'on' my sleeve - but it tends to peek out from time to time). We all know that 'NEW' can be 'SCARY'. We are all in that odd place with you, except maybe those lucky ones...

Remember Jen, an onion will always be an onion, no matter how many layers you may attempt to slowly peel off. If you are expecting to suddenly reveal a rose, or some golden egg, I think you will always find yourself disappointed. There will be some sweet onions and then those onions that make you cry. Your tears can be replenished. Just stand back a little bit while you peel and stay hydrated...

Kip ... eMail: braintacomusic@msn.com

great post dude. i feel exactly what you're saying but you say it better. :)

AMEN. Seriously. The horrible thing is, I don't know when it goes away. All we can do is hang in there and trust that one day it will.

Kip's Comments on Comments:

Carolyn:
Thank you. It seems like I can always count on you to notice...maybe Jen will sense that I'm an interested/interesting onion someday, too?!?

Dawn:
I'm assuming you are talking about the pain of a still-grieving heart. I'm pretty sure the longevity of pain/tears can last forever, if you let it. I think sometimes we have no choice. Especially when we have those real tough ones - those 'close-calls' - the near perfect relationships - the "we were so happy" ones. I know my heart has a few deep scars for sure. I'm just coming up on a year now from one of them and, when I think about it too much, it really hurts. And that's probably because it's still pretty fresh. I try and reflect on the good things, reason with the not-so-good, bury any regret, and just move on and look forward. Life is full of surprises, disappointments, love and laughter, great sex, hardships, companionship, hurt and happiness. Miss any of these...and you just haven't lived.

Kip...eMail: braintacomusic@msn.com

seriously, this just made my eyes teary. i can really relate to what you're saying. good luck with your onion! and hang in there, girl.

Yay for you for trying a New Onion. I personally was thinking just last week that it was past time for me to find a New Onion of my own...and then I received an email from a casual acquaintance, and coincidentally my own Old Onion was included in the "to" list, and I didn't even know those two knew each other. I swear It was like I had a movie montage moment in my brain, and then I remembered that Dating Can Be Fun and it's worth the potential risks.
Cheers to you, and here's hoping for me!

I am extremely fond of the Colbert Report, and I will love you forever! (C'mon--wouldn't you be suspicious if he didn't like Colbert?) I say, pretend that starting a new relationship is fun, and try not to think about the rest. Because it's also sad that this could be the last time you ever experience the beginning of a relationship...

Seems Kip is interested...not sure spamming Jennifer's comments is the best approach though :D

Sorry. As I mentioned before, I'm totally new at this blogging thing. I suppose treating it as if it were a chat room is not proper blog etiquette. If I over-stepped my role, then please accept my apologies...
Kip

Well, I disagree with Kip. Sorry, Kip. I simply don't, after one divorce and 14 years of mostly wonderful marriage, believe that luck has much to do with it.

Relationships are work. My best advice to the college students my husband and I talk to is this: marry a friend. Your best friend. Because friendship is the beginning of a great relationship.

I also think, if you are truly honest with your heart, although most of us find that nearly impossible, you can know in a short time if your current Onion is an Onion worth peeling for a lifetime. Pay attention to the way he treats others, the way he treats you when you're with others, the way he acts when things go wrong. These are your best insights to who he is when he isn't on his best 'date' behavior.

Make a list of the qualities you find attractive in your Onion. Then extrapolate those qualities to their extreme...these are the things that will pose the biggest problems in a long term relationship. Then decide if those problems are ones you can handle. Because, you know, you aren't going to try to change your Onion, of course. :-)

An example: I loved that my Onion was such a wonderful friend...he was always there to lend a hand, an ear, a hug. BUT...this meant that he was always running off to BE that help, that ear. I knew early on that I would have to be able to deal with that or I would end up feeling left out, unimportant or forgotten. It gave me a heads up and I wasn't surprised when our dinner plans were postponed or shortened, or our Saturday spent helping a friend move, etc.

We've also discussed this and both know where the limits are...there are some things that don't get postponed, some plans that don't get changed. But he's still the wonderful friend he always was while being a great husband, too. And we share the load with helping our friends.

Anyway...does that make sense? That list of good things about the Onion are helpful, too, when things are tough. Yeah, he might have forgotten to call, but his quirky smile is still adorable. :-)

I hope this Onion is a good one, with deep and wonderful layers. But if he's not, remember that you deserve to hold out for the best Onion out there.

Kathy

Oh...and as for the routine that comes along after a while...it's comforting. This is where the work can come in...you want to work to keep things interesting. But you never stop growing and changing and it can be fascinating to watch your Onion peel back another layer and to reveal your own layers to him as you discover them for yourself.

This is the way we think of it. Relationships start off as bright, hot fires. But eventually they settle down into smoldering embers. The heat isn't as obvious, but it doesn't take much to fan the embers into flame again for a while. But that flame can be exhausting if you try to keep it going 24/7. :-)

Well, I agree with most of what you are saying. However, I'm not going to get into the same trouble as I did a few comments prior...I'll just say that I'm glad your 2nd Onion to the altar has mostly worked out...
Lucky?
Kip

Good luck with the New, Jen. Enjoy your time with him, really try to live in teh now and not fear or expect to much of the future. I've just decided it's about time for a New Onion of my own. And although a bit wary, I'm going to try and follow my own advice... if I ever find one.