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July 05, 2007
I Am a Piece of Veal.
Really. I am being fattened for slaughter.
I sit, caged in my apartment, 24 hours a day, ingesting law, regurgitating it when it becomes too much. Waiting for the day of reckoning (just three short weeks away, hallelujah!). It's awesome.
HOWEVER, after talking to Laurie today (truly, you all need a friend who's into self-help. It reminds me of when I was going to therapy, and I would show up not only with my own myriad problems in tow, but also those of my friends. "So, what should she do? Should she dump this guy or what?" I'm sure my therapist loved it, yep. My friends sure did -- as do I when I now get to benefit from Laurie's newfound wisdom).
Hm. I forget to end my sentence. Interesting.
Anyway, I was talking to my new guru Laurie (reference: sentence fragment above). And she was mentioning the necessity of looking for things for which to grateful.
So I thought of a few.
1. Newfound hairstyle, a gift to the unwashed among us. (You know who you are (me).)
Dude, it is so awesome. A couple little french braids, a side of Alterna Shine spray, and it's like I washed my hair two days ago! Miracle! And bonus! I am in 10th grade again!
Front view.
Side view.
2. I have an appointment for color, cut, and a brazillian the day after the bar. I will be freshly coiffed EVERYWHERE! And ready for vacation.
3. Oh, Callanetics, I love you and your surprisingly effective butt exercises invented in the 1970s and practiced today only in Illinois, New Jersey and Oregon (how is it that this combo of states makes perfect sense to me?).
I do not love you because I think the Callan Pinckney of Callanetics is descended from the same Charles Pinckney that ensured the 3/5 rule made it into the Constitution (a-hole) (which I only know b/c I played George Washington in our 8th grade class' reenactment of the Constitutional Convention, and had to keep my then-arch nemesis, Cory, in line when he was playing the unruly Pinckney). In fact, I often feel weird when I am doing the exercises.
However, Callan is saving me for vacation in a bikini:
And entertaining me with her semi-erotic poses and love for the leotard.
Also, I really wanted to post the book's before-and-after photos of people's flabby-to-firm asses (in just 10 classes!), which are the real reason I still rely on this 1970s throwback exercise routine, but I also want to keep my job should an employer ever stumble upon this site.
So, you'll have to just imagine the magical transformation. Just like I am.
From veal.
To churrascaria and asado.
Posted by jen at July 5, 2007 10:56 PM
Comments
i love the new hairdo!!! ;)
Posted by: carolyn at July 6, 2007 07:55 AM
Cute hair. And sounds like a great exercise plan to me. Now I'm drooling over the thought of churrascaria and asado.
Posted by: Dagny at July 6, 2007 08:33 AM
(again, by way of Laurie's blog)
I must wash my hair every day or else Exxon will try to tap into the resource that is my head. Your hair doesn't look dirty by the way.
And the Callenetics book? Couldn't they have forked over the extra cash for clean socks - am I that much of a clean freak?
I highly recommend Pilates and Gyrotonics (the new Callenetics of the new millenium). I have a sister in Oregon (seeing a pattern) who is a certified instructor in both and she manages to kick my butt with exercise every time I visit.
Posted by: lori at July 6, 2007 09:40 AM
Yay! You are entering a new dimension of time and space and self-helpyness! And also apparently Callanetics... which is HEE-LARIOUS.
Come to think of it though, self-help and the 70s are deeply intertwined. If you like Pina Coladas....
Posted by: laurie at July 6, 2007 10:48 AM
Hey, cute hair! And man, after the bar I am so due for a cut.
And my understanding of the bar in PA and NJ is that they take your score, and then do some magical voodoo to it that makes it a wee bit higher. Is it technically a curve? Um, probably not. But Opium here I come and I'll send you a sample, just in case.
And those butt exercises are practiced in New Jersey you say? Because I am so there.
Posted by: Christine at July 6, 2007 03:05 PM
Callanetics? For real? Because I could be tempted. I could be SO EASILY TEMPTED.
Posted by: jonniker at July 6, 2007 07:41 PM
I so wish I could french braid my own hair! I'd totally wear it like this -- it's so cute. I can braid, but damnit, I can't french braid! :(
Posted by: Erin at July 8, 2007 11:53 PM
Hiya. You don't know me, but it's ok because I don't know you either. Just thought I'd mention how much I've enjoyed reading your blog, and how much you really don't appear to be veal... or any meat product of any kind... if that's a compliment...
Good luck on the bar! :)
Posted by: Chris at July 10, 2007 06:42 AM
The hair is so easy to do! You just start with a teeny little braid at your top of your hairline, braid in one-two-three, then add a piece from further along your hairline, braid in one-two-three, and repeat!
Christine, I researched it and apparently we do have the same thing here, I guess! I may invest in the assjuice someone on your site recommended.
I'm not sure if Callanetics actually works. It appears to, but can anyone really SEE their own body? And tell a difference? Dunno.
Posted by: jen at July 10, 2007 10:02 PM