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May 21, 2007
Real Women Have Curves. Or Not.
Well, I finished painting my living room and kitchen:
And I finally feel like a real person again -- just in time to start learning THIS:
In the next eight weeks. Crap. Thank you, CA bar examiners! Ack.
I think I'll be returning to my finals routine, where the only non-studying activity I have to look forward to is watching "The Barefoot Contessa" every night at 11 after I've had enough.
What I love about Barefoot Contessa is that she seems like a normal, if slightly uppercrust gal, but kicks ass in the kitchen.
Occasionally, though, I find myself thinking thoughts like, "Oh, yeah, of course her food is awesome! She has her own freaking GARDEN and lives in the HAMPTONS and what does she do all day but cook?"
This is an unattractive part of me. Unfortunately, I have noticed that it's not a trait I hold alone.
I don't know what it is, but women just really seem to cut one another's accomplishments down all the time. Have you noticed this? I don't know quite what the source is -- maybe it's because we're told all the time we can't have it all (professional or personal success: choose one, bitches!). So if someone seems to have it all, it feels like an indictment of ourselves. We have to find the ways in which she DOESN'T have it all to feel better. Whew! She's just as incomplete as I am!
I don't think men do this same thing, do they (hello, three male readers, can I get a wutwut?)?
You hear about the Mommy Wars. Either life path or combo you choose, you come up short in someone's eyes. And this blogger I read, Jonniker, recently posted something about how we look askance at women if they're too heavy, and accuse them of anorexia if they go on a diet. Again, you're one or the other, screwed either way. And I'm embarrassed to say that in that very small, mean black place in my heart, when single in the past, I've comforted myself with, well, she only has a boyfriend because she settled. Like, she couldn't have one because, as is more likely, she rocks and happened to find someone who noticed! Because what does that say about me?
But you know what? THANK G-D, unlike the #$$^^% California bar, LIFE is not graded on the curve! Our successes are not diminished by someone else's! We don't lose our chance for love because someone else finds it. We aren't destined to mediocre cooking just because someone else is lucky enough to have an herb garden she can roam around barefoot in. And just because someone else goes on a diet doesn't mean that we have to get defensive about our own weight and accuse her of anorexia.
This is what I'm trying to remember, in any case. The Barefoot Contessa doesn't deserve any judgment, any more than I do, or you do.
Some women have curves. Some don't. But we certainly are not graded on one.
Posted by jen at May 21, 2007 09:50 PM
Comments
(visitor from Aunt Purl's blog)
Love your last sentence - nail on the head!
Posted by: lori at May 22, 2007 08:28 AM
Huzzah! Bout time someone said it!
Good luck on the studying and on the test. I'm rooting for you!
Posted by: Gothknits at May 22, 2007 10:50 AM
I know all too well what you're talking about. And sometimes it goes a step further (especially in entertainment) -- a lot of women seem convinced that only one of them can succeed, and work to screw each other over instead of supporting each other. I think it definitely contributes to the underrepresentation of women in the industry. We need to remember that it's not a zero-sum game, and another woman's accomplishments don't take away from our own.
I feel very lucky, though, to have met so many women out here (including you, Laurie, Faith, etc. -- I guess knitting attracts stronger characters) that DON'T act like that, and celebrate each other instead. Cheers to that!
Posted by: Gwen at May 22, 2007 01:21 PM
Ooooo, the lampshade in the first picture---I *heart* it very much!
Posted by: SusannahS at May 22, 2007 02:22 PM
I think that the more people judge other women, the more likely it is that they are judging themselves like a million times worse than that. There was a famous study that was done (by Carol Gilligan maybe? I can't remember) where male students were asked, after taking an academic test, what grade they thought they were going to get. They most likely predicted correctly or inflated their score. Women, when asked to do the same, always thought they were going to do worse on the test than they actually did. So, apparently we cut ourselves down, and this translates to cutting each other down. Ick.
Posted by: Librarian Girl at May 22, 2007 04:32 PM
Afreakingmen. And honestly, I do it too. That line about Barefoot Contessa? I would TOTALLY SAY THAT, and then hate myself later. I can't help but feel like admitting it is at least one small step towards recovery, although that could be a bleak attempt at rationalization.
Also, is now the time to admit that I've been reading you for what I'm pretty sure is years, and that I've been too shy and dorkish to say hello and that um, I was ridiculously excited to see that you read me too? Hi! I'M A DORK, and I'm also sharing it with the world! Hooray!
Posted by: jonniker at May 22, 2007 06:24 PM
wutwut.
I don't know what it is, but women just really seem to cut one another's accomplishments down all the time.
Men can do it too... Just not as often. Probably because girls tend to vocalise their thoughts/emotions more than blokes... at least over here.. I think humans are just bitchy creatures at the end of the day!!
Posted by: daniel at May 22, 2007 07:39 PM
Congrats on your graduation! And all the painting!
Posted by: -R- at May 22, 2007 09:13 PM