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June 18, 2006
Judge Not, Lest Ye Suddenly Remember Ye Also Wore Formal Shorts
Last weekend Laurie, Amber, Gloria and I all went to The Mayan for a little salsa-ing and hip-hop. And we were all appalled, APPALLED, at the number of formal shorts, often bemoaned by the GFY girls.
We were getting all righteous and all sorts of bothered until, um, oops! I remembered that just a few (well, 7) years ago, I WORE THEM MYSELF. OUT OF MY HOUSE. TO BARS.
Oh, Jen, you're saying to yourself, it's OK. It was the late 90s. Everyone thought the world was about to end. It's OK, really. A little formal shorts were called for! Party like it's 1999, baby!
Only.
It gets worse.
Sometimes I would pair my short shorts with A TUBE TOP. Egads. And I wonder why I rarely met any quality men when I was younger?? Perhaps it's because I was dressed AS A STRIPPER. Sheesh.
I do not have any evidence of the tube top WITH the shorts. In fact (thanks be to jeebus) I don't even really have photographic evidence of the shorts. Only the above photo, shot in New Orleans, for my friend Katie's brother's (on my right) wife (my left) thirtieth birthday.
But two inches below the bottom of that photo? Began my pale, unclothed legs. Ending in a pair of strappy wedges.
Ooh, and here is the tube top! Halloween 99.
That is my boyfriend at the time, Alec, dressed as the Ghostbuster/Inter-Galactic Beastie Boy. I believe he is measuring the light emissions from my sparkly tube top. And perhaps reconsidering whether to introduce me to his mother.
All I can say is thank goodness I lived in NY, when it was too cold for shorts 3/4 of the year. Can you imagine if I had lived in LA? The chances of photographic evidence of my couture-al missteps would have been much higher.
Ack. Can you BELIEVE the atrocities I once committed?
This is the part where you say, why, yes, Jen, I can. Here is the crime against couture I once committed, and it is much, much, worse.
Also, if you could, please just pretend you don't notice I have a flip WITH BANGS? And that apparently I thought it was such an attractive hairstyle that I fashioned my halloween wig to be the same? That would be great, thanks.
Posted by jen at June 18, 2006 10:38 PM
Comments
I did the formal shorts thing back in the 90's myself. In fact, I was so sure of their formalness that I would pair them up with some pantyhose, or some tights. Whichever I thought worked best with the outfit in question (what the hell was I thinking?). I also usually wore me some high heels with that shorts/hose combo. It's not like I didn't own a mirror, so why didn't I realize I looked like a hooker?
Years later I have matured into the epitome of high fashion. My jeans always match the t-shirt I pull out of the pile of (clean?) clothes. My footwear choice is a lovely little pair of crocheted slippers I found on sale at Target. And, I make sure my ponytail is centered before I leave the house.
Yeah, I am all kinds of classy.
Posted by: Cj at June 19, 2006 02:02 PM
Heh! You can't dwell too much on what was worn - you would've been the spunkiest of brewsters at the time, but instead dwell on what is to be worn, such as your birthday suit.
Personally, I believe dressing like a stripper has its ups... ;)
Luckily I didn't notice that you had a flip with bangs in real life and in halloween costume, else I would probably had to have commented. Mind you, at the time that was HOT.
When I was a wee tacker I even had a 100% legitimate "bowl cut". The old bird literally stood me on the lawn, put an upside down mixing bowl on my scone and executed any hair appearing below the bowl's edge. Sexy. Dead sexy.
Considering you're discussing such wonderful fashion items, you might appreciate this video.
Posted by: dan at June 19, 2006 02:02 PM
Formal shorts? Nah. It was all about the Daisy Dukes in the early 90s followed by the ultra short skort in the later 90s. I still have both in my closet. Oh, and I realized that I looked like a hooker. Why else would the ladies glare at me while I was waiting for the light to change while strolling throught the Tenderloin on my way to whatever club? My friend Jade always said that it was OK to look like a hooker; you just didn't want to look like a tacky hooker. Maybe I should take the shorts or the skort out for my birthday celebration this week. hehehe
Posted by: Dagny at June 19, 2006 03:07 PM
Hey, that's nothing - I used to have parachute pants, checkered Vans and a mullet. I win!
Posted by: Chris at June 20, 2006 04:31 AM
the 90's may have been better than the 80's fashion-wise, but not much. remember the grunge phase when green hair was considered in? don't be too hard on yourself. and i liked your hair. it was cute!
Posted by: Penny at June 21, 2006 12:05 AM
Your bangs are cute...really!
Posted by: Generally_Speaking at June 21, 2006 09:47 AM
I once had the poodle perm. It was not good. And then I did it again. Even worse
Posted by: jennifer at June 22, 2006 02:10 PM
Dude. Remember the wave thing that I had. Dad still has that picture of me in his wallet. I was 13! 13!
Also? Madras shorts on girls. Cute or no?
Posted by: Jeff at June 23, 2006 11:52 AM
**eww**
I have seen a lot of formal shorts around. I don't understand them, however. If you are going out, when would you ever think... hm, shorts are waaaay more appropriate bar-wear than a cute skirt. and the past is the past, we should learn from our mistakes.
Posted by: Connie at June 26, 2006 09:41 AM