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April 12, 2006
Spreading the Love to the Necks of Los Angeles
You know how sometimes it's an appropriate form of taking leave to kiss someone on the cheek?
You know how it's NOT an appropriate form of taking leave to kiss someone on the neck?
Yeah.
Sometimes I appear to forget this. Or rather, I forget how incredibly SHORT I am and misjudge the distance up to a man's cheek and suddenly plant a soft one on his neck.
Agh.
I did this last night AGAIN, only I was lucky because he was a little shorter than most men I give goodbye cheek kisses to and I ended up flush on his cheekbone. Dangerously close to take-me-home-baby-neck-kissing territory, but definitely still in the friendly cheek-kissing zone.
I really can't believe I even continue to give cheek kisses. Of the last 12 I've attempted, I've ended up on the neck about 78% of the time. What is wrong with me? Laurie claims I have a Napoleon complex, but I attribute it to whatever it is that causes my bad parallel parking and night vision. OK, and also wine.
In any case, thank goodness I live in LA and not Paris or Moscow, somewhere where there is a LOT of cheek-kissing. At least here my humiliation is confined to a handful of confused and wetnecked men, not everyone I know.
Posted by jen at April 12, 2006 11:09 AM
Comments
The question tho is have you gotten any complaints? I didn't think so, what's the problem? :)
Posted by: Steve at April 12, 2006 01:28 PM
First of all, Steve may have a point there. So are you saying that you have a problem with depth perception? If this is really a concern, perhaps you should do some practicing.
Posted by: Dagny at April 12, 2006 03:11 PM
hehehehe ... imagine when we go on vacay to moscow. You could be neck nuzzling an oligarch!!
Posted by: laurie at April 12, 2006 03:19 PM
Hmm...if you play your cards right (Queen of Hearts?) you could end up Russian Aristocracy...if they still exist...do they? I am really bad at history/geography...
Posted by: Tami at April 12, 2006 05:36 PM
I so have this same problem...I hate when I come up from one of those neck kisses and have to look at the kissee again...just lovely.
Posted by: Darci at April 12, 2006 06:49 PM
you crack me up.
Posted by: carolyn at April 13, 2006 07:36 AM
p.s. did you get the email reply i sent you from work? i think work is blocking my outgoing emails when i swear in them which is EVERY email so i don't think anyone's getting anything.
Posted by: carolyn at April 13, 2006 07:37 AM
Heh. I kissed someone else other than the-other-Jen the other day (on the cheek of course) as a goodbye (she quit her job at our company). It felt weird. I kinda wanted to wipe my lips off. It's seriously been nearly six years since I've kissed someone other than her. Weird.
Posted by: Jeff at April 13, 2006 10:05 PM
Steve, I have not yet received complaints, but usually this is because the recipients are people I never see again or see every day and who just never speak of the awful Neck Kissing Incident again.
Dagny, it totally is a depth perception/alcohol consumption issues. Which leads me to believe practice would not help and I should just forego all cheek-kissing.
OOh, Laurie and Tami, I never thought of the Russian oligarchy angle. Maybe an oil oligarch, an underling to Kordhokovsky (Laurie, I'll let you have the real thing).
Carolyn, I will check and see, hm!
Jeff, you slut, you. I'm totally telling. Actually, Jen wouldn't care. The person who would care is the one who might hear that after a brief cheek encounter you felt like Purell-ing your lips.
Posted by: jen at April 14, 2006 01:52 AM
Toooo, too funny!! i have a similar problem..most of my friends are from South America where it is the custom to kiss on the cheek to say hello and goodbye. My American friends sometimes think that it's fun and they want to get in on the kissing - but they ALWAYS forget which side so we both go the same way and end up with our mouths an awkward 1 milimeter apart.
(by the way, I'm one of the hundred thousand CAP lurkers and found my way over here to your also-very-entertaining blog)
Posted by: Christina at April 21, 2006 11:19 AM
I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $53528. Isn't that crazy!
Posted by: Betsy Markum at May 23, 2006 07:31 PM