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February 16, 2006

Sir, Yes, Sir!

I don't know if it's the Capricorn in me. Or the first-born. Or what.

But I tell you, I prepare for a first date like I do an interview. I research. I consult (to the chagrin of all my friends and loved ones, I'm sure). I train:

Three or four outfits ready?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

All unwanted hair plucked, depilatorized or bleached?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Teeth whitened?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Friends consulted 29 times re: said outfits?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Sit-ups complete, callanetics exercises done?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Toenails and fingernails freshly buffed, painted and clipped?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

I don't know why I put myself through this. It's not like if my third fingernail is cut square while the rest are cut round I'll be on KP duty for a week. Or, you know, I don't THINK a girl has ever been passed up for a second date for such a transgression.

Wait.

I do know why I do this.

It's because it's FUN. An agonizing, I'm in love with my AP chemistry lab partner so I have to pretend like I can't figure out how to work the bunsen burner so he can rescue me and I can giggle (can you EVEN BELIEVE I AM A FEMINIST? Egads!) kind of fun. But fun nonetheless.

So I'm not going to tell you how my date goes probably. Unless it's so atrocious I'll never see him again. Or unless, eventually, it goes so well I have to tell you.

But in the meantime, I'll be reacquainting myself with this thing called SHOWERING. And plucking my eyebrows. And buying more clothes I can't afford.

IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL FUN, PRIVATE?

"Sir, yes, sir!"

p.s. Gwen found the funniest thing ever.

Posted by jen at February 16, 2006 12:03 AM

Comments

Best of luck! At least if the date's a wash, you had fun getting ready. Probably best not to mentioned "reacquainted" and "showering" in the same sentence though...

That is a great trailer. There's a Top Gun one too, but it's not as good. The one that someone did for The Shining last year is funny too:

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/trailer+remix/1611734/

Posted by: ddj at February 16, 2006 05:29 AM

There's a book my mom gave me called "Read My Hips" that I find interesting and she talkes a bit about the intersection of feminism and flirting in a 'pop culture' kind of way. Worth a flip-through next time you're at a bookstore. :) And have fun!

Posted by: wenders at February 16, 2006 05:59 AM

SHOPPING. Shopping for any reason is good. I really really need to go shopping, I haven't bought any new clothes in closer to 4 weeks, I calculated. Which is an ETERNITY for me.

I remember, I was once sitting on the couch in the early stages of dating one of my exes, whining into the phone on how I just didn't have time to get a pedicure, and my friend on the other line told me I was an idiot, that he wasn't going to stop going out with me because I didn't have perfect toenails. Hrmph. I totally understand where you're coming from.

And I expect a phone call tonight!

Posted by: Gloria at February 16, 2006 07:42 AM

Isn't that normal pre-date behavior? I agree with Gloria. A first date is the perfect excuse to go shopping because usually you go through your closet only to discover that there are some OK things there but nothing is quite right.

Posted by: Dagny at February 16, 2006 08:41 AM

I heart shopping.

Have fun on your DATE!!

Posted by: laurie at February 16, 2006 11:53 AM

Good luck!

LMAO@Gwen's find. Gold.

Posted by: dan at February 16, 2006 07:57 PM

hillarious!
have a nice day
regards
g

Posted by: g at February 17, 2006 01:17 AM