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December 17, 2005
Assorted Letters
Dear Man Who Told Me I Would Never Procreate,
Thank you for your concern over my languishing ovaries.Out with Gloria and Scarlett Ace last night, I wasn't really thinking about them, so I appreciate your gentle reminder.
I do wonder, though, if the reminder was less out of the goodness of your heart and more because you were pissed when I laughed at your goofy pick-up line about us being the most bee-yoo-ti-ful girls ever to walk into The Bar. Because it was then you said really we were only kind of cute and that probably we Aspired to Beautiful and that really, I'D NEVER PROCREATE.
I kind of suspected there was a war going on before this anyway. Men and women live on different planets, there are rules of engagement, we just aren't that into one another, and apparently some of us are totally unnecessary to the equation.
But, Man Who Told Me I Would Never Procreate? I hadn't been absolutely sure it had escalated to civil war until last night.
So, this note is to notify you I'm withdrawing my forces. I know I said the man hiatus ends on Jan 1, but maybe not. I think I'll wait 'til a truce has been struck.
No need to head into the breach in the midst of armed combat.
Kisses,
Jen
***
Dear Everyone I Promised a Christmas Mix CD,
I am really sorry, but they will not be going out this year. I just haven't had time. I know I am lame. HOWEVER, in lieu of the Christmas mix, I WILL be sending you an extra special winter-y mix that should arrive early January. It will be like a birthday present in reverse.
XOXO
Jen
***
Dear Woman In Front of Penny, Rachel, Michelle and me at Forever21,
When your husband tells you that your poor little chihuahua is about to piss itself, this does NOT mean it's OK for you to take a third trip back to the rack to find a white t-shirt without any strings hanging off of it while the rest of us wait. Because:A. That is a futile quest. No shirt in Forever21 DOESN'T have string hanging off of it. This is why they cost $2.99.
(A totally unrelated) B. Tapered pants went out in 1990, and they haven't come back FOR A REASON. And even carrying a Chanel purse cannot make up for the fact that you are wearing them.
C. Why did you get the dog if you were just going to torture it? SO WRONG.
No kisses or hugs,
Jen
Posted by jen at December 17, 2005 08:12 AM
Comments
HAAAA!! That guy in The Bar was horrendous! So skeezy! SUCH AN ASSHAT. I will be devoting a whole post to him sometime soon on how he was the lamest creature ever.
Posted by: Gloria at December 17, 2005 04:55 PM
not to mention she was wearing clear braces!!!
too bad we didn't get the picture of the christmas lady though. now that was bee-yoo-ti-ful!
p.s. bill simmons is the shit!
Posted by: Penny at December 17, 2005 06:25 PM
so hilarious that i cannot even come up with a better comment than that because i am very busy laughing right now.
Posted by: carolyn at December 17, 2005 08:56 PM
p.s. FOREVER21! :)
they have that in chicago too.
Posted by: carolyn at December 17, 2005 08:56 PM
She really expected to find something at Forever 21 with no strings hanging from it? Sheesh. She was lucky if it had not already started falling apart before leaving the store. Obviously the woman is a moron.
As for the guy from The Bar, you are obviously classier than I. You probably would have had to drag me out while I threatened him with great bodily harm. Let me just put it this way. By the time I would have finished with him, there is no way possible he would ever have to worry about procreation. In fact I don't think that creatures like him should be allowed to procreate. My actions simply would have been natural selection.
Posted by: Dagny at December 18, 2005 07:48 AM
Riiightt...what that guy said was about as acurate as his claim to be a sucessful producer.
Posted by: ScarlettAce at December 18, 2005 02:31 PM