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October 03, 2005
Dashboard Confession
OK, before I got all happy about life again, I have to confess I did something pretty mean. Have to confess because I guess somehow this blog has turned into some kind of journal instead of something fun! and! interesting! these days.
So anyway, at the nadir of my angst this weekend, I was chauffeuring the gaggle of girls to the Beverly Center. And I SHOULD have been happy because I had just heard my FAVORITE mechanical voice in the world: "Please take the ticket." Which means you've entered the nirvana of retail therapy.
But no, I was still peeved, which was only exacerbated when this ever-lovin' BEEYATCH in a purpley-silver Lexus would not let me cross traffic to enter the 2nd level parking. Oh no. Even though there was a line of EIGHT cars in front of her to exit the structure, she would not leave me The Gap. You know The Gap, that polite space you leave so people with THEIR LEFT TURN SIGNAL ON can quickly pass across you.
I mean what, was she RAISED BY WOLVES? Nay! She was raised by her mother, who was in the passenger seat, LAUGHING ALONG WITH HER DAUGHTER at her total and utter lack of human decency.
How do I know this? Because she blocked me so effectively she was directly perpendicular to me, and...
She had her window open.
Trouble, thy name is five girls who have just been cut off from the manna of consumer heaven by some 19-year-old in 300-dollar Prada sunglasses who is now laughing at your misfortune. And probably also at the fact that your 2000 Subaru has only one hubcap left.
And of course my girls were righteously indignant, and rolled down their windows a little further in the hopes that their curses of "bitch," etc., would carry into her little coccoon of entitlement. Thanks, ladies!
But me, at my nadir, I took it a little further. Somehow, by pure instinct, REALLY LOUDLY out of my mouth came:
"That's OK. Because she has HORRIBLE hair."
Apparently this induced a gasp of horror and a flipping of the entitled head back toward us, but I was on too much of an adrenalin high to notice.
Even now, writing this, my hands are a little shaky.
Because you know, probably she is just a bitch. The kind of girl you only invite over for Sunday dinner if you want to set an example for your children of how failure to take responsibility for your actions leaves you an empty, rotten shell of a person. And really rich.
BUT. What if she is just like me? What if she was just at some sort of nadir and really couldn't take one more car passing in front of her? Because if she is, then you know first thing she did when she got home was schedule a hair cut.
I mean, I can't feel too bad. Her hair appointment was probably at Jonathan. Or Umberto. Or Juan Juan. Or wherever.
But still. If I can't maintain some semblance of humanity when I'm in the midst of some late-20s angst, how can I expect to maintain any in times of real catastrophe? Or you know, when I'm A LAWYER? We all know how bad they suck.
It does not look good, people. Doesn't look good at all.
But neither did her hair.
Posted by jen at October 3, 2005 10:38 PM
Comments
hahahahaha. happiness (and youthfulness) is berating biznatches who have ugly hair/style/shoes. but only if they are biznatches. nice people with bad style are just endearing. this has inspired me to find the arrogant boring girl as she walks down the hall tomorrow and imitate her stick-up-the-bum walk. wanna join?
Posted by: Neeta at October 4, 2005 01:31 AM
LOL!! I can totally picture this girl... a totally spoiled client of JONATHAN!!
Seriously, I would've just taken it ghetto-style and HONKED right in her ear! In a parking garage, her window open, perpendicular to you -- it would have been seriously deafening.
But you were right, the hair comment probably made her cry in her pillow!!
Posted by: la.dauphine at October 4, 2005 05:03 AM
Honking at her would have been just the start of taking it ghetto-style. There should have been loads of hand gestures as well.
I remember once leaving a shopping expedition when I lived in that cutesy place (Williamsburg). (I had probably just reached that peaceful place as a result of some retail therapy after a tough day at school.) This friggin tourist with the wife and kids in the minivan totally cut me off when I was trying to leave the parking lot. He had a yield sign and totally did not stop. I had to pass the space he had parked in to exit. I doubleparked my car and got out and yelled at him. Frankly I had had enough of the tourists who seemed to leave all driving abilities at home.
If you ever visit the place and choose to drive, just remember that the speed limit is 25 mph, not 10. There are people behind you who actually have places to get to.
Posted by: Dagny at October 4, 2005 07:50 AM
oooooohhh... these people with their sense of entitlement just make my blood boil!!
Posted by: brenda in toronto at October 4, 2005 08:03 AM
You are SO my hero.
Posted by: Gwen at October 4, 2005 09:40 AM
I go to Umberto. I love Aharon from Umberto's. I want to take him home and cover him in chocolate.
You damn lawyers!!! LOL
Posted by: laurie at October 4, 2005 10:09 AM
She really was being just a bitch. Because if she was just being oblivious, or I don't know, having a bad day, as soon as she realized she had blocked you she would have either a) backed up or b) (if a was impossible) given you a little waive and apologetic smile to show she was sorry.
I know. Because I totally did that to someone the other day... What can I say? Bad day at work? Or maybe I'm just a total space case. But at least I apologized!
I'm totally guilty of the rolling down the windows and making the (in)appropriate bitch comments though! It's my mini version of road rage I suppose!
Posted by: Tiffany at October 4, 2005 02:47 PM
"manna of consumer heaven"
That is a GREAT description of the Beverly Center.
I give dirty looks to people often. Thankfully, my windows are tinted so they can't see. But then, it's a problem when I forget that I have my windows rolled down. Oops.
Posted by: Gloria at October 4, 2005 05:29 PM