Does any of this apply to Friday night at dinner? I'm curious.

Also, I think our family is so concerned with not sounding like morons because we are so critical of those who do and we have this massive fear of sounding like those that we despise.

As someone in her 30s, let me just say that the older you get, the less you care what everyone else thinks. In my 30s, I would tell those older men at work what asses I think they are. Actually I wouldn't come right out and say it. That's what sarcasm and certain types of looks take care of.

Wow, other people do this too?? I can't tell you how many times I've had that terrible, terible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, thinking that whatever idiotic thing I've said (which isn't even well-resoned enough to count as an actual opinion) will lead to my immediate ostracization, rock-throwing, and painful social torture.

Maybe that's why e-mail is my preferred mode of communication -- more chances to ask, "Do I REALLY want to say that?" (Of course, after I hit "send" the evidence is out there forever.)

But I do think there's a lesson here: If we're all busy obsessing over what we said, this probably means that no one is busy obsessing over what everyone else said.

I'm with Anne here. I like email because it's easier to get out exactly what you want to say. But then - uh oh - if you regret what you've written, you're really stuck.

I think high school and college were the worst for me, always worrying about things that I'd said. But as I've gotten a little bit older, I'm starting to realize that, hey, life is life, and "aw, fuck it" is actually quite a stress reducer. Plus, I have a life to live here, and worrying wastes valuable time.

Um, even though I'm almost hitting my mid-twenties
(egads!!!), I think I'm still in my high school stage. I don't really think before I open my mouth half of the time. It's just me and a lovely Virginia Woolf stream of consciousness.

I think it's best to get over it as soon as possible (I can't bring myself to type an obscenity--I'll lose sleep over it tonight), but the fact that you consider carefully the impact of the things you say is admirable, not pathetic.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only person keeping myself awake with these thoughts. I live in fear of turning into "that woman" in the office, constantly running her mouth and trying to sound important. I thought I was supposed to get MORE secure in my late twenties. What the fuck?

I'm with Ursula, the fact that you care at all how your statements might impact others simply says in all probability, that you are 99% of the time considerate in your approach to speaking your opinion. And, because I have the good fortune of knowing you, I know I'm right. And since I'm in my 30's, I have no qualms about knowing when I'm right. ;) I also agree that we hit our heads and do the Homer Simpson "Doah" way more than we should considering that very few people really listen to or care too much about what we've said since the majority of folks, like us, are a) more inclined to worry about their own performance in a conversation or evening, and b) very forgiving of other's faux pas. That all said, I waste the same kind of time and energy on a regular basis, fretting over my 50 or so per week "why did I say that?" blunders. My approach is to quickly determine if there is anything I should do to rectify the situation, for instance circling back to the person I may offended and apologizing for carelessness. If that can't be done, then I do spend a little bit of time analyzing what I would say/not say if the subject came up again and whether my opinion was right or should be improved upon even for my own thinking. And on a final note, I think we should feel grateful that we have opinions (because we're much more interesting when we do) and grateful that we were raised to be thoughtful enough to care about how those opinions impact those around us.

OK...here you go...from a 40-50 year-old viewpoint: I, too cared what people thought about me when I was in the 20's and 30's. I finally wised up. The people that are my friends like me no matter what I say or do. I try not to be cruel to people, but I really don't care what they think of me. I have friends (and so do you).

I want to be Ellen.

Amen, Ellen.

i have read this post a zillion times now. i can't come up with a good comment. me? at a loss for words? has the world come to an end.

seriously, tho. finding your voice is the hard part. the learning to use it part is so much easier. :)

an old writing exercise from back in the day: asking yourself 'do you know who speaks through you?'

when the answer is you - you're there. :)

Hey' Do the best you can at any given moment in any given situation and then you always know you did the best you could have done. I used to worry about such things but I was also pretty self absorbed and kinda mean ;) Now I'm much more laid back (and securely in my 30's)and really it doesn't matter so much in the grand scheme of things.

I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $34668. Isn't that crazy!